The First Time
by aetin
Summary: 15 snippets of Kirk and Spock's lives set to a "first time" theme. Written for a prompt asking to see these two together, but in a slow progression.


/I/

The first time Jim touches Spock (other than the slap on the arm on the way to the Narada), it's very deliberate. He waffles about it for days, coming close to doing it several times before he actually manages it. He's a very tactile person, Jim Kirk. He wants to offer Spock physical camaraderie, comfort, congratulations, all that fantastic stuff, and he finds it almost awkward to _not_ be able to sling an arm across the Vulcan's shoulders. This is especially true in light of their emerging friendship. Jim wants to _connect_ through touch.

So he plans it out, carefully. And one day, after Spock hands him a one-hundred-and-fifty-six page report on the geological composition of the planet they're orbiting, he presses a hand to Spock's upper arm and says, "Good work, Spock."

He makes a hasty retreat after that, worried about what Spock's reaction might be.

It doesn't stop him from doing it again. Often.

/II/

Spock touched Jim for the first time (other than the time he beat him and then strangled him on the bridge) by accident. Almost. In the line of gunfire, the Captain was an obvious target. The only way he could have had a bigger bull's-eye on his chest would be if he had been wearing bright red. It was a First Officer's duty (indeed, _any_ crew-member's duty) to protect the Captain. So protect him he did.

Spock hit Jim with heavy force, knocking him solidly to the ground to avoid the phaser beams aimed at the side of his head. "Oh!" Jim grunted beneath him in surprise, sounding slightly winded. Spock certainly did not linger in removing his body from contact with the Captain's, feeling wildly inappropriate, even if it had been in the line of duty.

After the mission, Jim thanked him with a rough clap to the shoulder. Spock had grown to find these touches are not as undesirable as he had first expected, and feels himself filled with what could be relief that the Captain was not injured.

/III/

The first time Jim turned to Spock for comfort was almost a year after they first met. The two of them had introduced sparring into their weekly routine as a way of staying fit and improving their fighting abilities (something that was frequently necessary in their line of work). At first, Spock had been uncomfortable, but upon reminding himself that logically he would have to touch enemies in close-combat, he had gotten over this.

Jim's method of coping was to let Spock smack the shit out of him.

Naturally, it took very little time for this to come to Spock's attention. When he confronted Jim about it, he was surprised to get a string of words that made very little sense, but seemed to focus around the fact that tomorrow was an important anniversary in Jim's life. His birthday and, consequently, the anniversary of the day that his father had died. "Jim," he had said, using his first name, as he had been instructed to when they were off duty, and although they were never off duty as long as they were on the Enterprise, he sensed that the Captain would probably prefer being referred to by his first name, "to grieve is a natural process, but you should not take something that was out of your control hard upon yourself. To do so is illogical and has no useful purpose. You should therefore cease any self-harmful activities. This includes fighting me. You are already aware that you are unable to win."

There was silence as Jim lay red-faced, pinned beneath him. His expression changed, and he suddenly looked sad rather than angry, "You always make me feel better," Jim smiled in a way that seemed thankful rather than mirthful (the complexities of human facial expressions fascinated Spock even to this day), "even about the worst day of the year."

/IV/

Spock turned to Jim for comfort for the first time sixteen months after they had met. Where Jim had used a physical outlet, Spock used a mental one. They had played six games of chess, and where usually they played slowly and thoughtfully, Spock today was aggressive and dominant, sweeping about the board with fierce moves that suggested a tendency towards taking pieces rather than far reaching strategy. He won only two out of six, well below what was normal. "Spock, I know you well enough to tell that something's really bothering you," Jim said after Spock's pawn took his queen.

"That is interesting to know," Spock told him, impatiently waiting for Jim's next move.

"Are you going to tell me what it is?" Jim asked, moving his rook, seemingly at random.

"No," Spock told him, and a stand-off thereby ensued. It ended with Jim winning, as everything inevitably did. So Spock told him that he and Uhura had ended their romantic relationship, and that he had found himself quite shocked at the feeling of loss the change inspired in him. Jim offered him a smile, a hand on his forearm, a human turn of phrase 'there are plenty more fish in the sea,' and then, three moves later, Jim checkmated him.

Despite his abysmal score in chess (two games out of seven), Spock was content by the time he returned to his quarters.

/V/

The first time Jim and Spock slept together was in prison, twenty-one months after they had first met. The walls were stone, the floor was stone, and the chill that pervaded the air seemed to sink into their very bones. "Share body heat?" Jim had suggested through teeth on the verge of chattering, and Spock had agreed that perhaps that was the most logical course of action.

Wrapped in the threadbare blankets they had been thrown to fight against the cold, they pressed together as tightly as possible, Spock trying to ignore the skitters of thoughts and emotions as they erupted where their skin pressed together. "Spock," Jim had said in a sleepy voice some time later, "are you warm enough?"

"I am adequate," he said, not wanting to admit that everywhere that Jim was touching, it felt as though a lit match had been pressed to his skin, flashes of heat making his flesh tingle.

"You're like a furnace. It's nice," said Jim, and Spock could not ignore the way the man's arm pressed harder into the Vulcan's side. And then he fell asleep. Spock's arm, on which Jim was lying, fell asleep only minutes later, but he did not remove it.

/VI/

The first time Jim and Spock hugged was in front of an audience. It was twenty-two months after they had first met. It was Jim's birthday again. Spock had pre-empted the negative reaction to the anniversary by planning a "small function serving to commemorate the day of Jim's birth," also known to everyone else as a "birthday party."

Almost the entire crew had shown up. Everyone who was not required on duty was crammed into the mess hall. And somehow, unbelievably, the entire thing had remained a secret until Spock lured Jim there under the pretence of a malfunctioning replicator that was spitting out nothing but a green slime that was well-known across the universe as a potent aphrodisiac. Naturally, the Captain had wanted to see it, so they had gone along to the mess. When the yell of "surprise" went up, Jim's mouth dropped, and rather than doing anything else, he turned immediately to Spock and wrapped his arms around him, pressing his cheek to the Vulcan's bony shoulder.

It seemed somehow more intimate than huddling together against the cold, despite the fact that there was less contact. It was the emotion of the action. Most illogical, Spock thought, as he gently pressed his own hands against Jim's back in response. There was applause, and Spock took a moment to appreciate the scene.

"I apologize," he said when they separated, "I was mistaken, the replicator has not malfunctioned at all," and to prove it, he presented Jim with a slice of cake.

/VII/

The first time Jim kissed Spock, they were alone and it was raining.

It was twenty-six months after they had met and Jim was bleeding out, crimson soaking into brown mud.

Human blood had a particularly pungent odour, Spock thought, trying not to concentrate too hard on the slick feel of it as it coated his hands. "Captain," he said, "please try to remain awake," and pressed the man's wound shut, holding it there as Jim's mouth opened in a gasp.

"It's 'Jim' when we're off duty," the man gurgled, blood bubbling out of his mouth.

"Do not try to speak, Jim. You must conserve your strength. The Enterprise is certain to find us shortly, and you must be alive when they do," Spock said, though the chances that they would be rescued before Jim died were slim.

"Spock," Jim said blearily, eyes half-closed. He lifted his hand, seemingly with great difficulty. He curled three of the lax digits and extended his index and middle fingers out straight towards Spock. The gesture was unmistakeable, but Spock found himself staring at it in disbelief for a precious second as Jim's strength began to fade and his hand began to shake and lower.

Lifting his right hand, Spock pressed his fingers against Jim's, surprised by the tingling the intimate touch caused. The human's mouth curved up in a lazy smile, "Sorry I'm going to die," he said, voice hardly intelligible, "But at least now I'll be happy when I go."

"You will not die," said Spock, and he didn't.

/VIII/

The first time Spock kissed Jim was two days later.

They had an audience of one.

When Jim awoke in the sickbay, his first sight was unsurprisingly Bones, hovering directly in his eye-line with a strange expression on his face. "Hey Bones," Jim said, and realised he couldn't feel his face, "I guess you've got me on the good drugs."

"Damn right I do," Bones had told him, busying himself with taking readings and asking Jim all sorts of inane questions, while Jim's eyes traveled the room to rest on Spock. He was sitting at his bedside, looking at him with what was unmistakably relief. Jim remembered the press of fingers on his own and wondered if Spock really meant it, or if it had just been comfort for a dying man. Either way, he had just resolved not to mention it when the Vulcan slowly moved towards him.

When Bones first saw Spock extending his fingers to Jim, he did not realise what it meant. Then the drugged Jim clumsily met his fingers with a dreamy smile across his face, and it fell into place. That was the reason why Spock had refused to be removed for the medical wing, despite the fact that there was nothing he could do for the Captain.

Bones put Jim back to sleep shortly after that, but couldn't forget the look on Jim's face as the two of them had kissed the Vulcan way.

/IX/

The first time they kissed the human way was two and a half weeks later.

They stood on the observation deck, looking at the stars.

Jim had always been a romantic at heart, and even enjoyed doing something so ridiculously clichéd as _stargazing_, especially when it was with his first officer/best friend/the-guy-who-was-sort-of-maybe-almost-in-a-relationship-with-him. They sat close together, their knees brushing as they talked. Smiling, Jim extended his fingers to Spock, but for the first time, the Vulcan did not reciprocate.

"Sorry," the Captain said after a few seconds, afraid he had somehow stepped over an invisible boundary. He retracted his fingers.

"I wish to reciprocate in another way," said Spock, and, with gentle precision, pressed his lips against Jim's. It was a clumsy gesture, their noses bumping softly, a strange fit between their mouths until Jim tilted his head ever so slightly and their lips pressed together in the human expression of a kiss. They kissed slowly, arms coming encircle each other's backs and shoulders, pressing their lips together as well as their fingers.

/X/

The first time they went on an official "date", it was three weeks later, while they were on shore leave. It brought with it all the nervous feelings Jim had had with his first _ever_ date when he was fourteen with Samantha Michaels from third-period English. He paced his quarters beforehand, checking at least eight times that there was nothing stuck in his teeth and that his hair looked okay. He wrung his hands as he pressed the buzzer for Spock's quarters, and fidgeted as they took the turbolift to the transporter room. After they had beamed down, he stuttered when he suggested the restaurant, stumbled over his own feet as they walked there, and sneezed rather loudly as their waitress was asking them if they wanted drinks.

Spock was wearing his most Vulcan face, which meant that he looked very blank, but was probably feeling something very strongly. There were several awkward silences, something they'd never had before. They ate in silence, the only noise their cutlery as it clinked against their plates. "How is it?" Jim had asked, and Spock had replied, after shifting in what appeared to be a nervous way, that it was acceptable. His eyes hadn't left the table cloth.

And then Jim began to laugh. He laughed until it wasn't awkward anymore and pressed his fingers over Spock's when he was sure no-one was looking.

It wasn't uncomfortable after that, after Spock looked at him with a smile in his eyes. Silences became relaxed, conversation became easy. At the end of the night, Spock walked him to his quarters, and after a curt "goodnight, Jim," wrapped a hand around the back of his head and kissed him very soundly just inside his door. Once Spock had left, Jim shook the tension and excitement out by doing a little dance around his quarters, grinning so hard that his face hurt.

/XI/

The first time they had sex was thirty months after they first met.

They had talked about it. About Vulcan rules for courtship, and Human styles of dating, and about their particular situation. The final decision had been to "let what happens happen". Well, it happened, thought Jim as he moaned into Spock's hair, feeling hot hands pressing into his flesh, fingers laving Vulcan kisses, palms promising something more. His own fingers gripped Spock's black hair, skittered down his narrow spine, and traced the lines of ribs beneath the feverishly hot skin.

Spock mouthed Jim's ear, mouth fitting around the curve at the top and sweeping down the shell to the lobe, following the line of his jaw to his mouth, and as they kissed, he felt the press of their combined lust through their skin contact. Jim's fingernails began to scrape green lines down his back, making him shudder beneath the caresses of pain and pleasure, and reach his own hand down, decidedly more gentle against Jim's skin than the Captain was against his.

The sex was slow, sweet. Calculated. Which Jim was fine with, because it felt fucking amazing. "Spock," he sighed, but couldn't seem to think of anything else to say. It didn't seem to matter, because Spock understood even what he could not say out loud. When they pushed together, there was pain, but the white flashes of pleasure behind his eyelids made it worth it. And more than that, the feeling of _closeness_ made it worth it. Made it _special_. Jim had had sex many times before, but it had never felt this way, never like implosion, like two separate entities crumbling together to become one.

The human came first, arching up so that his stomach met Spock's torso, kiss-swollen lips parting in ecstasy. Spock noted that Jim kept his eyes open, that his gaze never wavered from his partner's, though his eyes went wide in his face. When Spock himself came, he buried his face into Jim's neck, pressing lips against his pulse point so as not to make a sound.

"Wow," said Jim when he finally caught his breath enough to speak, at least a minute later, "Spock."

Spock lowered himself to lie next to Jim, wrapping an arm over him as the human rolled to press closer, "Yes, Jim?" he asked.

Jim's voice was still faint from lack of breath, "Please tell me you'd be willing to do that again some time."

"I will be able to repeat the experience in approximately six point three minutes," Spock said and Jim laughed into his collarbone in response.

/XII/

The first time Spock told Jim that he loved him was three years after they met. It was nothing like Jim had imagined it happening. Naturally, the Captain had assumed it would be as one of them was dying, just as how they had begun their relationship. It wasn't.

Barring the whole "dying" situation, Jim figured that the next most likely situation for it happen would be during sex. God knows he had almost moaned "I love you," into Spock's ear more than once in the middle of sex. He didn't though, afraid of ruining what they had by moving too fast and freaking Spock out. But Spock didn't say it during sex.

He didn't say it on a date, or during a mission, after a passionate kiss, and not even when Jim was lying in hospital or confined to quarters, miserably sick with the Terran flu.

Spock said, "I love you, Jim," in the turbolift on the way to the bridge. Out of nowhere.

"What?" Jim asked, turning to look at him, wide-eyed.

"I love you," Spock repeated for him, not turning green, but not meeting Jim's eyes either.

The side of Jim's fist hit the "stop" button on the side of the turbolift. "You mean it? You're not sick or possessed or secretly not Spock, are you?"

"I apologize if it does not sound believable," said Spock, looking at the floor, seemingly wholly embarrassed, "But you can rest assured that I am Spock, and that I am sound of mind." There was silence for several seconds, Jim too shocked to speak, and Spock finally said, "You may choose to disregard my statement of affection, if you wish."

"No!" gasped Jim, closing the step that lay between them, "I love you too! I love you so much, Spock."

And so Jim kissed Spock. "I can't believe it," he said against the Vulcan's mouth, "I never thought you'd tell me like this."

"I have been considering the appropriate way to express my affection for some time now," Spock replied in between presses of lips, "but there never seemed to be a suitable situation. I eventually deduced that the relay of the information could be done at any time where we were alone. I'm not entirely certain why I chose this particular moment..."

"You mean you blurted it out!" Jim laughed and kissed him again, getting tongues involved this time. He pressed forward until he felt Spock's back hit the curved wall of the lift, kissed him until he felt so dizzy that only Spock's arms across his back held him up. "Spock," he said, pressing his palms against the man's cheeks, "thank you."

"I fail to see the reasoning behind this gratitude, as it is I who feels thankful to you."

"I love you," Jim said, laughing. They ended up pretty much cuddling against the wall of the turbolift until Sulu called the intercom to ask if the turbolift was stuck or something and whether they would _ever_ be arriving for their shifts. "Of course, Lieutenant, we're on our way," Jim said, disentangling himself as Spock flattened his hair, "we were just discussing something important."

"Yes sir," said Sulu, sounding very amused.

/XIII/

The first time Jim and Spock got married was one year later. Aliens made them do it. It was a beautiful ceremony, complete with millions of flowers, hundreds of guests, about a thousand candles and a very large hall. It also included a forty-five minute, very elaborate ceremony and exceptionally ornate robes that made Jim feel a bit like he was wearing a very tight dress. The heavy headdress didn't help much in terms of comfort. By the end of the ceremony, his neck felt sore. By the middle of the reception, he had his head solidly glued to Spock's shoulder, thoroughly miserable.

"You seem upset," Spock commented during the eighth course of dinner, which was some sort of unbelievably sweet, syrupy soup, "You do not wish to be married?"

"I do, just not like this."

Spock raised an eyebrow, and then Jim realised what he'd just said.

"Uhm, I mean," he stuttered, before Spock cut him off.

"Jim, do you wish to marry me?" he asked in all seriousness.

Jim felt a red flush creep across his face, "Yes," he answered honestly, and then his mouth dropped open in shock as Spock slid out of his chair, settling down onto one knee. Jim looked around, suddenly unaccountably nervous and shy as Spock pressed both of his hands around one of his.

"Jim, will you marry me?" he asked.

"Yes," Jim said, "I will. Will you marry me?"

"I would not ask if I did not want to."

"So that's a yes," Jim asserted, pulling up one of Spock's slender hands, pressing his lips against it. "What's up with getting down on one knee for me?" he asked, "you don't need to do that."

Spock didn't get up, "Human tradition," he said, pressing a palm to the shiny, patterned material pulled tight over Jim's knee. A finger traced the designs, seemingly unaware of the action. No-one in the room noticed, too busy with their own merriment, as Jim pulled Spock's face up, and leaned his own down to kiss him. It was a magical moment, even if their stupid clothing got tangled and Spock had to spend twenty minutes unravelling the ribbons of their sleeves and clasps across their chests.

In the end, Jim was happy about the wedding, because even if his neck was so sore that he could barely hold his head up, it just meant that Spock was going to give him plenty of neck and shoulder massages for the next week or so.

Plus, the room they were given for "their honeymoon" was gorgeous and they made full use of it. All night.

/XIV/

The first time they got married in the Federation was six months later, on New Vulcan. There was only half a year until their first five-year mission ended, and they both knew that regardless of their personal preferences, there was a good chance they'd be separated. Spock was the best first officer in the fleet, but he was also an outstanding scientist, one who was constantly being put at risk by the youngest Captain in Starfleet.

Starfleet didn't separate married officers, and Jim and Spock didn't want to be separated. So the logical thing to do was to get married, especially since they were planning on it anyway. Spock informed his father, who of course had no outward reaction, but Jim suspected was just a little bit happy for his son to be getting married. They landed on Vulcan a week later, and Jim was immediately whisked away from Spock to be prepared.

"Being prepared" on Vulcan apparently meant being read a list of all marriage laws and rules, and being informed of every step of the ceremony and the history behind everything. All in all, it took several hours, and he was sweating and wilting from heat for every second of it.

The ceremony itself wasn't long, and back on Vulcan, hadn't been done between adults very often, as the bonding usually took place between children of the age of seven. However, since the destruction of the planet, it had happened much more often, as so few couples had survived, there were a great deal of single Vulcans. There was a gong, and some bell-shaking, and then they each took a drink of water from a large cup before Spock touched his fingers to Jim's face, gently connecting their minds.

It was something they had done many times before, but this time was slightly different. Spock never broke the bond completely. It was a strange feeling for Jim at first, with Spock always there in the back of his head, his presence warm and heavy in his mind. But it was not, by any means, a bad thing. There was love seeping into him from every part of the bond, and he could not stop himself from surging forward to kiss Spock, even though he knew the Vulcans (and Bones, who was attending along with most of the bridge crew) wouldn't approve.

And so they were married, and Jim felt that bond every moment for the rest of his life.

/XV/

The first time they got married on Earth was at the request of Jim's mother, who had kicked up a huge fuss about not being able to attend the first two ceremonies. It was directly after their first five-year mission concluded, and they had travelled to Iowa, where Jim's mother had insisted on having the ceremony at their house. The actual wedding took place outdoors at 3pm, in the backyard. Most of the town appeared to have shown up, apparently having forgiven him for destroying things in his youth.

The day was golden, sun reflecting off the rows of wheat standing nearby. They were both dressed in earth-style suits, and Jim thought Spock looked particularly dashing. Unfortunately, it probably wouldn't be considered good manners to tackle Spock onto the altar and rip his clothes off, so he refrained.

They said their vows, were pronounced a "wedded couple" and there was a brief, chaste, peck on the lips (unlike the debacle at their Vulcan wedding, which had involved tongues).

Jim's brother Sam made fun of him all night for being the first one to "fall into the trap of marriage," and Jim made fun of him for the opposite.

Half-way through the ceremony, Jim snuck Spock off and proceeded to _actually_ rip his suit off and have his way with him.

Wheat fields actually made for surprisingly good secret-sex hideaways, Jim thought.

/--/

The first time Jim met Spock was in an auditorium at Starfleet academy, each recognizing the other only as a face in a crowd. One was from a line of black-clothed instructors, the other an insubordinate from the masses of cadets. The first time they met, they fought, each believing they were in the right, that the other was cheating. They didn't like each other. It just goes to show how wrong first impressions can be.


End file.
